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Ride On The Pocket Rocket

Updated: Jan 1, 2022

In what appears to be rats fleeing a sinking ship, Jeff Bezos, American businessman and part-time astronaut, recently launched into space on a curiously phallic-shaped rocket. The rocket, named the New Sheppard, built by his company, Blue Origin, cost him a total of $5.5 billion according to a recent Fortune article.

With a diverse crew of billionaire white people, the capsule touched down after only a record 10-minute and 10-second flight. Attempting to surf on the wave of adrenaline reminiscent of The Right Stuff (1983 Philip Kaufman film), Bezos instead evoked Dr. Evil in the 1997 Austin Powers film as the villain escapes in his penis-looking rocket.

Bezos and Blue Origin hope to cash in on the exclusive space tourism market while ignoring the poor working conditions of Amazon workers, falsely claiming to fight climate change, and failing to invest in so-called green technology initiatives. The publicity generated for the Blue Origin Company is hoping to charge a paltry sum of $200,000 per ticket. Now people with enough disposable income can zoom through space and continue to ignore the problems on Earth.

The $5.5B spent on the vanity project could have easily been diverted to 5.5 billion projects that are more worthwhile than puffing up Bezos’s ego. For example, he could have spent the money on 5-billion trees. These trees, which only cost about $1 to $3 per plant, could help curb the effects of climate change, according to The Nature Conservancy. Funds could have purchased urine bottles for Amazon delivery drivers or nicer tents for their workers. One suggestion would be to help develop a cure for cancer. Spoiler alert, telling someone with breast cancer that she was put on a “performance improvement plan” and that her personal life was interfering with her work is not a cure according to the aforementioned article by Independent.

While the entire flight inside the phallic-shaped rocket occupied a short space in time, it has left many people asking the following questions:

  1. Does Jeff Bezos have a mini-me stashed somewhere on a secret island?

  2. Was Jeff going for a Brokeback Mountain look with his cowboy hat so he could compare rocket sizes with Richard Branson?

  3. Can we prevent Jeff Bezos from returning to earth?

These questions and so many others went through people’s minds as the rocket lifted off and penetrated the Earth’s atmosphere. Once he returned, hard-working meme farmers went to work comparing Jeff Bezos to Dr. Evil, with the media brown-nosing up to the billionaires.

The money and attention Bezos brought to his pet vanity project could have been better focused on making the world a better place. Instead of stroking his penis-shaped ego, money could have been put elsewhere - namely towards the greater good. But what do I know? I’m just a cat.

Video originally uploaded by Miki Pejic

About the author

A Texan at heart, Dr. C. Katze is a recipient of several Copy Boy awards and has written for The Grey Point of View since 2021. After experiencing life-changing travel with the US military, Dr. Katze now enjoys a sip of wine on his balcony overlooking the Bavarian sunset. Alternatively, when he is not serving as a Combat Medic for the US military, Dr. Katze can be found on an Italian beach - pouring Limoncello over his ice cream - with his life-partner and their black cat. is a new style independent blog site started by American expats, like Dr. C. Katze. We cover a range of topics spanning from politics, practical ethics and more. is an independent blog on ethics, politics, Euro-life and more. Written by expats, global citizens and other interesting sapiens. If you are interested in writing with us, send us your post for review. We look forward to hearing from you.

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