My First Day in Balance

Part of the Grave Journey series by Chris Perry

The morning started like any other, except this morning I started my thyroid medication. Ten milligrams for the first dose, five milligrams tomorrow. Take after food. Simple enough. Down the hatch, then jump on Twitter. Yesterday, I grew irritated from researching Graves’ Disease and decided to take my mind off of it while the medicine took effect.

All throughout the day, I have been having a meta-psychological breakdown behind my cold façade. For you #Marvel fans, I feel like Bruce Banner with the Hulk screaming within. I lived through situations from which I would normally explode or raise my voice or become angry. Today was different; today, I didn't. I felt disconnected. Like watching the eruption of an island volcano from the safety of my home. I see the stressors. I acknowledge the cues where I would shout or get angry, but I don’t. It is as if those buttons have been deactivated.

As I write this, I am experiencing something like “imposter syndrome”, but instead of "competence" being the factor, it is "stress". What if these meds change my personality? What if my personality before the diagnosis was that of a sick man? Am I unstable without my medication? I thought about these questions and the questions of sustaining this treatment if necessary. In Germany, I certainly afford my current treatment. What I cannot afford is Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. REWE is charging six euros for a pint of Ben and Jerry’s now – I digress. If 50 days of stability only costs me four pints of ice cream, I have little to complain about – if anything. Here’s looking to the future and all that it brings - observing it from the outside - in… or the inside - out.

About the Series

The Grave Journey series is a collection of works written by Chris Perry on his path to recovering from Graves’ disease, an autoimmune disease that leads to a generalized overactivity of the entire thyroid gland. It is the most common cause of hyperthyroidism in the United States.

About the Author

Born in Saint Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands, Chris Perry travels the world as he writes for and manages the Grey Point of View. His hobbies include mastering the art of web design, navigating global news, and studying weapons of mass destruction.

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